Only by taking the volume down a level, and creating a safe environment where they can feel that they can open up to you about what’s going on inside them is real remorse likely to occur
Also, if you have truly abused your spouse – emotionally or physically, or both – or overtly neglected them, you won’t get remorse. And frankly you shouldn’t expect it. Few will be sorry if they had an affair on a truly shitty spouse.
However, for the majority of cheaters, you will get the remorse. Maybe not exactly as you wish it or when you wish it, but it will come. For those spouses, there is hope. And here’s a perspective on what you might do:
First, you must make it clear that you need your spouse to show remorse in order to heal and move on.
As Katie Lersch wrote, “Often, before you see any remorse, you must demand it. You have to make it very clear that you will not entertain saving the marriage or consider moving forward until you know that he’s deeply sorry and that he understands exactly what this has done to you. Ask that he sit down and allow you to share with him what you’re feeling and what you need. Make it very clear that this is not going to begin to go away until he starts talking. He’s only delaying what must happen anyway and he needs to understand this.
Be Patient. I absolutely understand why you want and need to see some remorse. If he/she isn’t sorry for the cheating and even feels justified about it, then they may just repeat it. And no one wants to go through this kind of humiliation and pain again. But it may be important for you to understand that much of the time, a lack of remorse is actually just posturing. Your Wayward Spouse knows that they are in the wrong, but he/she doesn’t want to place themselves in a situation where they feel that they are in a position of weakness. He doesn’t want you to ask too much of him. She doesn’t want to have to endlessly explain herself and her poor choices. დაწვრილებით „For some of you, the affair really was a direct result of your actions as a spouse“